Facts of Life
by funfan41
Summary: Han has a problem. Luke wants to help. Lando has the solution. Warning: slash. COMPLETED! Chapter 3 up!
1. a problem

_**Author: Lia**_

Rating: M

Warnings: Slash, Han/Luke pairing.

Timeline: shortly after ROTJ

Summary: Han has a problem. Luke wants to solve it. Lando has the solution.

Disclaimer: Luke, Han and the whole Star Wars Universe belongs to George Lucas. Pity.

Feedback: Yes,I'll be glad and infinetely grateful if you write.

_**To the kind people who reviewed my previous fics:** thank you very much and I hope you like this one... It's an attempt at humor and I know it may not be as good as it could be if I were more experienced at writing... but, with your help, I hope I will get better and better!_

* * *

_**FACTS OF LIFE - Chapter 1**_

There was only a huge, Wookie-size bed and a sidetable in the bedroom. Their carrybags were lying in a corner near the door. Almost half a year had passed since the Ishlarra incident and their apartment was still virtually bare except for the most essencial furniture and utensils. Not that any of them cared... after all, Han had spent more than half of his life in space and Luke had always lived in rather austere places – the moisture farm, the Rebel Alliance military quarters. As long as they had each other and a nice bed, everything else was expendable. Nights were usually expected with glee and spent with great contentment and pleasure. But then, one night...

"Han?"

"..."

"It's OK."

"..."

"You have been under a lot of pressure lately... this things happen."

"..."

"Han!"

They were cuddled under a tangle of sheets and half-discarted clothes after spending the last half hour making out... and making out... and nothing _but that_.

The Corellian kept staring at the ceiling. When Luke snuggled closer he sighed and ruffled the blond hair absent-mindedly.

"Guess it's Hiding Time coming, kid."

"Hiding Time?"

"Yep. Happens every ten or fifteen years to male Corellians... our... hum... drive is kinda frozen for a while. We don't... you know. And we lose interest. Sorry, kid. I still can pleasure you, though."

"But it wouldn't be fair. What's the use of doing it if we can't enjoy it together?"

"It will take some time until I'm back in business again, you know. It can be hard to wait for so long." Han turned and kissed the tip of Luke's nose.

"Well, I have waited years for you, haven't I? How long does this last?"

"Eighteen standard months. Maybe more."

Eighteen months! Eighteen months without feeling Han inside him, without hearing his passionate whispers and moans? Luke bit back a dismayed remark. Han was probably quite humiliated now, no need to make him feel worse. And it wasn't so bad, actually, since it wasn't anything permanent. And they could at least make out... As a Jedi, Luke certainly wouldn't find it so hard to wait.

One week later, though, the young Jedi found out he could cope with _impotent_ Han but not with _totally uninterested_ Han. For all the effort the Corellian made for the sake of his lover, he couldn't help to be fairly mechanic in his responses to Luke's attentions. Some days after the Hiding Time started, Luke felt like he was kissing and hugging Threepio.

"Your Jedi composture doesn't fool me anymore. Something's bugging you. And I bet it has to do with Han."

Lando took a sip of his kaf and enjoyed the effect of his words in the kid's face. The mask of calm and detachment didn't waver but his cheeks gradually turned red.

They had spent the last two hours discussing a new commercial treaty Lando wanted to propose to the Ishlarrians and were now having a little break in Luke's favorite café.

The former Baron Administrator of Bespin narrowed his eyes as he noticed a very familiar expression in his friend's face.

"Don't tell me the damn Corellian is in Hiding Time already!"

This time the Jedi composture crashed and the farmboy emerged. Blue eyes widened in surprise as Lando burst in incontrollable laughter. For a while indignation and curiosity fought for domination in Luke's mind as Lando's laughs were roaring in a crescendo until tears of mirth started to roll down. As always, curiosity won. The kid waited until his friend calmed down a little and asked.

"Do you know about it?"

"Oh, boy..." Lando wiped the tears with the back of his hand. "Luke, I know that son of a gun longer than you do. I knew it was close to happen... I bet you're having a hard time, huh?"

"It's so frustrating!" Luke sighed and looked down. "I really like it when he takes me... but I wouldn't mind not doing that for a while, if we could do... you know, the other things."

"And you can't?"

"No."

"Oh."

"Han tries his best but I can sense his lack of interest and it turns me totally off."

Lando raised an eyebrow. _So the boy is **that** sensitive? Han, you damn pirate, you're really lucky to have him! _Then, a slow smile curved his lips. _"Well, my dear old pal, I guess I have to save your ass again..."_

"Cancel all your appointments for today, Luke. We are going shopping."

"Huh?"


	2. looking for a solution

_**Author: Lia**_

Rating: M

Warnings: Slash, Han/Luke pairing.

Timeline: shortly after ROTJ

Summary: Han has a problem. Luke wants to solve it. Lando has the solution.

Disclaimer: Luke, Han and the whole Star Wars Universe belongs to George Lucas. Pity.

Feedback: Yes, I'll be glad and infinetely grateful if you write.

**For Crys Skywalker, ****whatevergirl and discreet quiet, who kindly sent reviews toChapter 1:** thanks a lot, I hope you have fun with this new chapter!

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_**FACTS OF LIFE - Chapter 2**_

The store was one of the most exclusive and expensive of Coruscant. It had shiny, black marble floor, thick velvet red curtains and exquisite furniture. A mellifluous Twilek greeted them with a graceful bow.

"Ah, Baron Calrissian, how nice to see you again!"

"Aleen, old chum, long time no see!" Lando patted the other's shoulder cordially. The Twilek bowed once more as he recognized Luke.

"Jedi Knight Skywalker, I am honored with your presence in my humble stablisment."

Luke barely had time to respond with a silent nod before Lando dragged him to a couch.

"Aleen, we need your help. Jedi Skywalker is having problems with his... companion. His _Corellian_ companion"

The Twilek's thin eyebrows raised significantly.

"Ah! I see... it's Hiding Time, isn't it?" and, as Lando nodded gravely, the eyebrows lowered impossibly down in a sympathetic expression. "Poor thing... Do not worry, Aleen will help!"

As Aleen clapped his hands twice, a bunch of shiny pink copies of Threepio swarmed in, bringing boxes and packs of all possible sizes and colors.

Costumes. Toys. All kinds of aphrodisiacs. Holos.

Luke's eyes grew wide as saucers while Lando and Aleen enthusiastically presented the products.

"This is real great, you put in his..."

"But..."

"You can ask him to rub this part on your feet while he..."

"Han doesn't like the..."

"... electric impulses to the sensitive parts of..."

"I don't think..."

"...and it will make him come like a supernova!"

"STOOOOOOOP!"

* * *

"I'll tell ya, Chewie... Never thought it would hit me so hard."

Han was working on his comp terminal while talking. Chewbacca was just staring, amazed, at how fast and sure the Corellian's hands danced on the keyboard. The Wookie had never seen his friend dive so fiercely into bureaucratic work.

"The last time I had it I was with Vonda... She left me a month after it started, said I'd become... what were the words she used... an-unbearably-boring-sorry-excuse-of-a-mate. Remember that?"

/It was shortly after we met. I remember I thought how your race could have survived enough to develop a civilization with such a physiological hindrance./

Han stopped typing and gave an offended snort.

"Well, we did it great, thank you very much. After all, life is more than sex." and he resumed typing with impressive speed.

Chewie shook his head, completely baffled. To hear **_Han_** say that... would Hiding Time hit harder as they get older?

"I'm sorry for Luke, of course." the Corellian stopped typing again and leaned back on his chair with a disheartened sigh. "He says it's OK but, you know, he's young and full of stamina... it must be hard for him."

/I heard there were very simple ways of interrupting Hiding Time.../

"You heard it wrong, pal. I've seen some guys doing it... using aphodisiacs and all but this is no good. If I did it, I would lose Luke for good."

/Why?

"When you do aphrodisiacs during Hiding Time the effect is multiplied. You get wild and lose control. Totally. _Absolutely_." Han touched the holopic on his desk, the only personal belonging he had in his office. It was Luke standing in front of a pond in Ishlarra, with a lovely, dazzling smile. The kid looked so damned happy there, blue eyes wide, face glowing like a two-year-old brought to a park for the first time...

"You know Luke. He has very little experience with this kind of thing. I'm his first male lover, for the Goddess' sake! And being a Jedi doesn't help anything in these matters. If he saw me wild... I mean, really, _really_ wild, it would scare him to death... or disgust him to no end, which would be even worse."

* * *

The young Jedi drew a deep breath. His cheeks were purple and he was trembling a little. Whatever composture he tried to keep had crumpled. It was embarrassing enough that Lando knew about his and Han's predicament but to have all those... _things_ exposed under his nose, considering his... um... _needy_ state... it was too much!

The Twilek blinked, looking slightly baffled.

"Yes?"

Luke sighed and held his head with both hands, trying to get a grip on himself and be sensible.

"Thank you for... um... all this, but isn't Hiding Time a natural process in Corellian's physiology? Is it right to interfere with it?"

"Dear Luke, if nobody interfered with Hiding Time Corellia wouldn't be so prolific." Lando gestured to Aleen. "Bring us some drinks, old chum. I think Jedi Skywalker is a little distracted."

"Of course, how unconsidered of me! It's his first time here, isn't it?" Aleen waved to the nearest droid who immediately left the room and came back seconds later with three elegant crystal flutes and a bottle of some bright red drink. The Twilek kept talking apologetically meanwhile. "I know that the Jedi of old didn't use to seek the pleasures of sense but since Baron Calrissian told me you had a companion I thought modesty was unnecessary."

"It's alright. I just don't have much experience with..." Luke shook his head trying to clear it. "But this isn't the problem! What I wanted to say is, Han never said it was possible to... to take him out of the Hiding Time using this kind of things. I understood it was something inevitable and impossible to change."

"Inevitable? Yes. Impossible to change? Absolutely no."

"How come he doesn't know? I mean, don't you think if it were **_that_** easy he would..."

"Some Corellians have a few misconceptions about Hiding Time. I don't know much about Han's past but I bet he's from one of those most traditional clans..." Lando poured a generous portion of the red drink in a flute and passed it to his young and agitated friend. "If he weren't, he would have solved this matter before you knew it."

"Your companion probably didn't say anything because he believes it's a bad thing to interrupt the Hiding Time... But he's wrong, of course. I personally know many Corellians who do it regularly and never had any problems." Aleen patted at the youth's back reassuringly.

Luke took a sip of his drink. Calming down he finally paid heed on the objects spread on the floor around him. Among the colorful toys and costumes he saw a small leather covered book with beautiful golden engravings in it. It said:

_On Force-enhanced Sex – by Jedi Master Qui Gon-Jinn._

_Preface by Jedi Master Yoda._

Blue eyes almost popped out.


	3. the solution

_**Author: Lia**_

Rating: M

Warnings: Slash, Han/Luke pairing.

Timeline: shortly after ROTJ

Summary: Han has a problem. Luke wants to solve it. Lando has the solution.

Disclaimer: Luke, Han and the whole Star Wars Universe belongs to George Lucas. Pity.

**To ****Crys Skywalker, speed2, Sakura Blossom and Sapadu, who kindly sent reviews:** Thank you so much for your appreciation! I had some trouble writing this last part, but hopefully it's not so bad and you can still laugh some more with it... :)

* * *

**_FACTS OF LIFE - Chapter 3_**

Three hours later Lando left Luke in the apartament with all the things he managed to convince the boy to buy. It was still the middle of the afternoon so there was plenty of time before Han came back home.

_"It will be easy once you relax"_, Lando had said,_ "just check the instructions before using those things. It's no big deal for a Jedi Master!"_

"I can't believe I'm doing this..." Luke grumbled while unpacking the goods. Feeling a bit ridiculous, he started checking.

A bottle of Twilekian liqueur. _The most potent aphrodisiac for humanoids in the Galaxy_, the label announced. He carefully removed the label so that Han couldn't see that.

A pack of scented candles. Luke sniffed cautiously. Not bad, a little too sweet for his taste but...

Bath oil. Yuck! Smelled funny. He didn't like it but Lando insisted Han would love to touch shiny, slippery and soft skin.

A costume. It was nothing but a bunch of white straps with something fluffy in the middle. _Corellians simply love "Fluffy Fantasia",_ Aleen had proudly presented it,_ "They can't resist when they see somebody wearing this..." _With a disheartened sigh, Luke took off his clothes.

After half an hour of a fierce combat with said "Fluffy Fantasia", the young Jedi finally managed to wear it.

"Force!" Luke could barely look at his own image in the mirror. It was too embarrassing. The fluffy thing between his legs seemed monstruosly big, and it hugged his member painfully tight._ I'm sorry, Han, but we'll have to make do without this!_

He started to undress in a hurryand inadvertedly touched a diminutive button in the costume.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

The fluffy thing started to vibrate.

* * *

Ten minutes later Luke was lying on the couch, panting, eyes wide and dazed. "Fluffy Fantasia" had been thrown in the trash dispenser at light speed. That thing was too dangerous to have at home... 

The clock was ticking. He had to calm down, put himself together and prepare everything for Han. Maybe a cup of hot tea would help. He headed for the kitchen and activated the food synth. Instead of making hot tea, the damn machine started to beep and blink a red light.

Unfortunately, they had ran out of supplies – it was Luke's turn to do the shopping and he was supposed to do it today.

He spotted the Twilekian liqueur. Well, a sip wouldn't kill him, would it? Pouring a small amount in a glass the boy drank it. It tasted good. He immediately felt better, muscles relaxed, all agitation gone, and a pleasant warmth spreading in his insides.

While drinking a second glass of the liqueur Luke put everything in order and prepared a hot bath – with all the three kinds of bath oils Lando had made him buy.

When he stepped in the bathtube he remembered his episode with the "Fluffy Fantasia" and started to laugh. Then, he remembered Aleen and Lando talking about toys and aphrodisiacs and laughed even more. After some time he was roaring with laughter and didn't even know why anymore.

* * *

When Han arrived the apartament was in the dark, except for colorful, dancing spots of light from the candles. There was a slight scent of flowers in the air. 

"Luke?"

The bathroom door was opened and he heard a splash.

"Luke, are you there?" the Corellian followed the sound. "I called the office, they said you had cancelled your appointments... Are you alright?"

Another splash. Han entered the bathroom.

Through warm, thick steam, he saw the kid lying in the bathtub, face flushed, the slender body slicky with soap and bathoil. The scent he felt when he arrived was a little stronger now – but not unpleasant.

"Hey." Luke greeted him with a bright smile and a batting of the eyelashes. Han snorted, a little disconcerted.

"You OK?"

"Yeah. I wasn't feeling well in the morning so I decided to take some time off... but I'm better now."

"You sure?"

In fact, he wasn't. The Twilekian liqueur he had drank happened to be much stronger than he expected, leaving him light headed and a bit woozy. But he wouldn't say that to Han, of course.

"Why don't you come on in? I need somebody to scrub my back."

Han complied, still a bit baffled. He took off his clothes, spent some minutes in the sonic shower and then joined the kid in the bathtub.

Luke sighed softly as he felt the older man sitting down behind him. He leaned back against his lover's chest and slowly rubbed himself against the hard muscles.

"I thought you wanted me to rub your back."

"You _are _rubbing my back..." the boy rested his head on the Corellian's shoulder and kissed his neck.

"And you _are_ drunk. What's going on?"

"I'm _nooot_ drunk. I just had a drink before bath because that damn Fluf... uh... I mean, I was a little tense."

"Tense, uh?"

Feeling a bit guilty, Han slid his arms around Luke's waist and pulled him closer._ Hells, told ya it would be hard for a kid at your age... I gotta make it up to you when this Hiding Time is over... _

"You smell good."

"Hmmm..." the young Jedi closed his eyes. He was so relaxed now he felt like melting in the older man's arms. "I love it when you hold me like this."

"Yeah? How about some tickling?" Han couldn't help laughing and tightening the embrace as he saw the lovely pout responding to his question. "Ok, ok, just kidding."

They played in the warm water, kissing and teasing each other. Luke was already hot all over, wishing his Corellian lover could just get rid off that damn Hiding Time thing and make love to him, right now. Unfortunately things weren't so easy. Han seemed a little less mechanic in his attentions – probably the relaxing effect of the bathoil and the scented candles – but he was still far from enthusiastic.

_Alright, it seems I'll have to play dirty..._

"Come on, pirate." he breathed softly. "I'm tired. Wanna go to bed."

Once they were both dry and comfortably settled in bed, Han found out his young lover was up to something other than just cuddle and sleep.

"A night cap." Luke presented a glass filled with the Twilekian liqueur.

"You bought this?" there was a hint of incredulity in the question.

"It was a present. Try it. It's good."

Han Solo out of Hiding Time would have spotted the trap the moment he stepped in the apartment and saw the scented candles. But Han Solo deep in Hiding Time was absolutely oblivious even to Luke's so evident, transluscent maneuvers. It was only after he had drank a full glass of the liqueur that he noticed and identified something different in the drink.

"Is this... Twilekian liqueur?"

"Y-yeah. Something wrong?"

"Who gave you this?"

"Lando. What's wrong?"

"Son of a bitch! I should have known!"

"Han, what's the problem?"

"..."

"Han?"

"..."

"Han!"

"..."

"Ha... wait, what are you do... ooooohhhh, Han... Han... Han!"

* * *

"Luke?" 

"..."

"Kid, you OK?"

"..."

"Uh... I'm uh... I'm sorry."

"..."

"Never thought you'd try to get me in... you know... aphrodisiacs. I mean, you're such a boyscout... I was sure you'd never even dream about doing something like this. That's why I didn't tell you about the conseqüences when a guy in Hiding Time have those. Of course, it never occurred to me that Lando could interfere... "

"..."

"Look, I'm sorry OK? I went wild, lost my head, probably did sick and disgusting things to you but... It won't happen again, right?"

"..."

"Luke, open your eyes and say something, will ya? I know you're not asleep."

Blue eyes slowly cracked open as Han hesitantly caressed the blond strands, fearing the worse.

_He'll be disgusted._

_He'll call me a freak._

_He'll never wanna see me again._

_Worst of all, he will pity me._

A dazzling smile curved the kiss swolen lips. The young Jedi flung his arms around his lover's neck and pulled him to a tight embrace.

"Oh, Han, that was most wonderful!"

"Huh?"

Luke gave a contented sigh and snuggled comfortably against a relieved-but-confused-as-hell Han, as he remembered last night. He had never been so thoroughly loved before. The rough, starved kisses and bites on his earlobes, neck, nipples, every sensitive part of his body. The strong hands squeezing him, scratching him. And then the hot, iron-hard erection entering him, making him whimper in pain and pleasure, and the delicious, torturing thrusts inside him, hitting his pleasure spot so many times he couldn't help screaming and sobbing and pleading pathetically. He had almost passed out when he came. And after that, for the first time since they started sleeping together, Han asked to be taken. Luke felt awkward at first but the Corellian's enthusiasm wiped off any trace of embarrassement and the second climax was as glorious as the first and...

"Kid?"

"Hmm?"

"You sure you're ok?"

"Mmm..." Luke nuzzled Han's neck. "I'm sore all over and I don't think I will be able to walk right for the next days, but it's no big deal." feeling the older man wince at his words, the boy kissed him very tenderly. "Awww, I said it was wonderful, didn't I? I loved every bite, every scratch, everything you did to me!"

"Really?"

"Hmm-hmm."

"Right... Anyway I'm gonna call the office and tell them you're sick."

"Okay."

Surprised by the immediate acceptance – usually it was virtually impossible to get the kid to rest even when he was real sick – Han headed for the living room to make the call.

With a naughty little grin plastered in his face, Luke slipped a hand under his pillow and took the leather-covered book he'd bought from Aleen. If plain simple aphrodisiacs could do _that_ to Han while in Hiding Time, what would happen if...?

He opened the book and started reading diligently.

**_On Force-enhanced sex _**

_**Chapter One**_

_The first step for a fully satisfactory sexual experience is..._


End file.
